okie.. so here goes one of the most outrageous posts.... which may not represent the truth and may offend many.. but enough is enough; I do not like this as much as you all do. Speaking the truth about how one feel is like a taboo sometimes because words are too shallow to express the depth and complexity of a thought/opinion.
I looked within and saw many flaws; the scars of the past has healed with Lei by my side... (sidetrack: he's my medicine) I realised that though years have passed, none of us have completely and totally gotten over past grievances. You might deny it, but if you were so innocent, why would I hear so much from all over the place? Sometimes, I wonder if all the things I hear are made up by people, trying to create more drama and add to the pre-existing tension but even then, what role did u play in all that? A single word or line from me can be twisted to your definition of bm.. that's how ridiculous the situation is.. and you seem as bounded to it as I am.
________________________________________________________________
I think I ever blogged about Groupthink before and it's like a contagious virus.. we are all into that fervor before you even realised it. The knowledge of the factors of Groupthink, makes me sick, cautious and fearful. I met this very cute girl at a certain lanshop before.... had friendly games, chatted happily but because of how powerful Groupthink is, I no longer know what to expect. Someone cut n paste her recent blog post to me; and I wonder if she knew that the 'somebody else' was referring to me. I hope not because until today, I will always smile at her :)
That's why I told the someone to forget it; though it's really hard to see the best in someone, with the knowledge that she may think the worst of u. That sounds like a saint.. and I'm definitely not one, but it seems that from that approach, we all feel better abt life.... abt ourselves, about others.
_______________________________________________________________
I think it's been years since I talked to you n you.. real life, face to face. Maybe we have nothing to talk to each other about; if so, why do you have so much to say to others abt me, about my group, about my life? Am I a threat or friendly competition in any way? Our ideals in terms of gaming don't differ too much you know... at least IMO :) I'm not cut out to be in the limelight, and I don't want to be either. My source of comfort and satisfaction; is not from talking online to someone you nvr met before and hoping to make the mark for the international scene. Like I said, I lack the skills, the adaptability and the x-factor. On the other hand, mine came from simple lines of encouragement from some other girls other than my baobeis. And really, I'm very much contented in this way. So in that sense, I shdn't and wouldn't pose as a threat in any way would I? I don't hate you, I don't dislike you. If you were a cup of coffee, you will be a cup of plain coffee that I sipped and didnt feel that it was sweet or bitter, just cold plain. Yah that's how I would describe my whole taste of the current situation. However, I welcome friendly competition anytime (except when I giving birth and resting after delivery) cuz I would go back to my girls anytime they need me..
