I think lei said something that really struck me for a moment today.
I told him... that in dota, ur hero has a certain role.....
and as with every system (family, relationship, team, school, workplace), u have a role to fulfil.
Sometimes, I'm so caught up with my role to be different, to explore possibilities.
Pple expectations of me... weighs me down.
In sociology or social work studies, you can call this 'subjective role overload'.
And then, sometimes, fulfilling one role of mine can contradict another role of mine. For example, between as a student vs a friend. girlfriend vs daughter. People expect you to be at two places at the same time, and you just have to disappoint one. you call this 'role conflicts'.
And I continued further that I feel so stuck, and unprogressive. Everything seems like a routine. I lost the thrills, excitement, anger, sense of righteousness, enthusiasm, hope, faith, impromptu-ness, energetic outbursts in life....
Lei said, 'U've become passive... u need to find back that hyper-ness'. (though I think there's no such word as hyperness?) lol
Yah, I've become passive. All my old friends are surprised. Maybe it's a part of growing older.
No energy of 18 yrs old. No getting away with excuses like 'I'm a teenager' LOL. Maybe too many things happened for me to question humanity and fate..... and disillusionment sets in.
But I really think that maybe we're all not lookin at the right places.
Maybe it's time to enjoy the process of things.... than to single-mindedly carry out our responsibilities and experience nothing at the end of the day...
I love u, tks dar.
